Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Deviant Senior Member Putting the fun in funeralMale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 12 Years
Core Member 'til Hell freezes over
Statistics 4 Deviations 264 Comments 22,760 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

What'd you do? by runboy82 What'd you do? :iconrunboy82:runboy82 38 90
The Playboy of Dallas, Part II
Kyle Kabrick: The Playboy of Dallas, part II
Now back to the story. The cop gave Kyle a quick patdown and asked him, "Is there anything in your pockets?"
Kyle, who was by this point soaked with a healthy summertime glaze, looked up at the cop and said in an honest, broken voice, "Just fake teeth."
I almost shit myself when he said that. He was referring to those famed Billy Bob novelty teeth sold at gas stations for $20. Yes, Kyle had a pair of fake teeth with him. Why? For shits and giggles, that's why. It was one of the funniest moments I had ever witnessed in my life. You pretty much had to be there.
Cop #1 stayed with us while cop #2 made a sweep of the car. He approached it like he was expecting for somebody to pop out with an Uzi or something, all quicklike with the gun pointing everywhere. It was kind of cool looking. He hopped in the car. Five seconds later, he popped back out.
"Found it!" he yelled. It was about then that things started to fall into place. He pulled out the wa
:iconrunboy82:runboy82 0 2
The Playboy of Dallas, Part I
Kyle Kabrick: The Playboy of Dallas, part I
This is a true story that happened the summer before my junior year of high school. Every bit of it is true. Kyle, feel free to add any corrections, omissions, etc… There are so many details to this story that it still sounds unbelievable even to me. There's a good chance I may have left out a detail or two. Due to its length, I have split it into two parts.
Again, I swear to you, everything is true.
I was driving around one day in the summer of 1998 with my friend Kyle Kabrick. Or as I like to call him, Kaboom! (Emphasis is placed on the exclamation point. His physical stature explains the nickname). I had only been 16 for a few months, and we were celebrating together this newfound freedom that every God-blessed self-righteous American experiences: the legal ability to drive. In other words, we were driving around pretty much just for shit's sake, because we could.
Being the jackasses t
:iconrunboy82:runboy82 0 2
The Nipper Story
The Nipper Story
   I used to have this Yorkshire Terrier back in the day named Nipper. Yorkies are small dogs. They're about the same size as Chihuahuas, only they have longer hair. We inherited Nipper from my mom's uncle. Uncle Charlie did not have kids of his own, so Nipper was like his son. My mom made a promise back in the day to Charlie's wife that she'd take of Nipper if anything ever happened to them. Well, they both eventually died and we wound up with Nipper.
   It didn't sound like a bad idea at the time. Nipper was awesome. Every time we'd drive up to Bartlesville it was always a highlight to see Nipper. He was this little cute dog.
   Then we inherited him.
   We realized soon after acquiring this dog that he might have been the most spoiled dog in the entire history of the canine species. Or is it canine family? I can't remember right from my 9th grade biology class. Whatever, I don't really care. Legend has it t
:iconrunboy82:runboy82 1 12

Random Favourites

There you go by kerembeyit There you go :iconkerembeyit:kerembeyit 3,416 668 Hex signs by arterie Hex signs :iconarterie:arterie 92 55 spank me... by cweeks
Mature content
spank me... :iconcweeks:cweeks 1,755 486
JohnnyP with puppy 4 by khavi JohnnyP with puppy 4 :iconkhavi:khavi 207 56 Grey by cherieroberts
Mature content
Grey :iconcherieroberts:cherieroberts 526 23
The Royal Tenenbaums by infernovball The Royal Tenenbaums :iconinfernovball:infernovball 393 54 Tombstone by infernovball Tombstone :iconinfernovball:infernovball 688 103 Brad Pitt by infernovball Brad Pitt :iconinfernovball:infernovball 334 69 Chris Elliot by infernovball Chris Elliot :iconinfernovball:infernovball 42 23 John Goodman by infernovball John Goodman :iconinfernovball:infernovball 460 187 Andre 3000 of Outkast by infernovball Andre 3000 of Outkast :iconinfernovball:infernovball 430 131 Benjamin, Andre by Shoryuu Benjamin, Andre :iconshoryuu:Shoryuu 49 36 OH YEEEEAAAAH by Shoryuu OH YEEEEAAAAH :iconshoryuu:Shoryuu 5 22 Chris Rock by kgreene Chris Rock :iconkgreene:kgreene 44 16



Putting the fun in funeral
United States
Current Residence: Hollywood, CA
Favourite genre of music: whatever
Favourite photographer: Walter Ioos, Jr.
MP3 player of choice: my crappy Ipod shuffle
Skin of choice: Not sure, but I know I can't stand chicks with a lot of moles.
Favourite cartoon character: The greased up deaf guy
Personal Quote: If life were always easy it wouldn't be worth living.
The Move

Through a series of unfortunate and untimely events befitting the tabloid press, spot and I decided it'd be in our best interests to relocate. Our landlord informed us that they owned another property in the Hollywood Hills and had a unit available for immediate move-in. Much like that time Sony offered me a three-picture deal, I was like, "Hell yes, let's do this!"

The first thing we had to do was have our landlord come in and do a quick walkthrough of our old apartment so they could get an idea of what repairs were necessary. She brought in her mother with her as well, who also serves as our building's "manager." I put quotes around manager because calling her a manager is like calling Carlos Mencia a comedian. I mean technically he is a comedian but I feel as a general rule comedians should be, you know, funny. That's about how she is as a manager. Plus she's around 80 to 85 years old and Armenian (no speaka de English) which doesn't help things.

Anyways, they came in and discussed stuff with us and then the two of them started speaking Armenian to each other. Right then I was thinking, "Oh, we're gonna get fucked on the deposit." I'm still waiting to hear on the outcome of that. I should learn to speak Armenian. I'm not going to, ever. But I should.

So the weekend we had to move may have been quite possibly the worst moving conditions in the history of mankind. It got up to just a shade below 100 degrees with about 55% humidity. The only way it could have been worse was if maybe one of us had had like a broken arm or something during the move. Or mono. All right, there's plenty of things that could have made it worse. Bottom line is it sucked monkey balls.

Special thanks to channelcat and his girlfriend for lending a few extra hands.

Whenever you move there's always that one guy who lives in your apartment that you run into. You're maybe unloading a box of stuff into a truck outside and he asks, "Are you moving?" What else would I be doing? "No, my roommate and I just decided to pack up all our shit and put it in this truck. We're not actually moving, though. Once we pack it all in here we're going to unload it and put it back into our apartment like it was. Why are doing it? Eh, we're just fucking around. Because we can."

It's probably the same person who points out that you have a zit on your face. Like you didn't know it. You walk into a party or something and run into him and that's the first thing he says. "You've got a huge zit on your forehead." "No shit? I was wondering why my face was hurting like that. It's probably right…here, isn't it? That was just a lucky guess."

I found myself there alone late on Saturday night grabbing some remaining trinkets and knickknacks when the power went out. I don't care how tough you are, you feel like a scared child when you're alone and the power goes out for a couple of seconds. Some sort of primal instinct just kicks in. I'm a little disappointed that after all these years of human evolution the best thing I can muster is cowering like a frightened puppy.

So I said screw this game I quit and I decided to retire back to my new air conditioned apartment. On my way to my car I ran into one of my comedian friends who lives in the next building outside with some of his neighbors. It turns out the power had gone out on the entire block. He was outside playing Boggle with a few of his neighbors, trying to beat the heat. I joined in.

Did I say I joined in? What I meant to say was I took those motherfarkers to school. It was like I was Drexel and this was my class (I feel sorry for you if you don't know that reference).  I wound up winning the game even though I had joined late. I got mad word skillz, yo!

You should have seen me. I was like, "Does anyone have pewter? No? Ok, what about elephant? Anybody got that? Didn't think so. And if you don't have that then obviously you don't have telephone either." Elephant spelled backwards is telephone. Don't know if you knew that.

The next day we had the unpleasant task of cleaning our apartment, which by my estimate had not been thoroughly cleaned in approximately three years. If you're at all familiar with the hodgepodge of roommates I've had you may have an understanding of what we had to endure. Remember kids: don't do heroin. Seriously.

Cleaning went on for quite some time as was expected. The most notable thing I found while cleaning the place were three shirts underneath the kitchen sink. This may not seem like much since oftentimes old shirts will be used as a cleaning rag and there's really not much of a better place to put a rag than underneath the kitchen sink. However, these were not rags. These were nice shirts. I remember one of them was a woman's blouse from Express.

For the life of me, I cannot fathom why someone would put a nice shirt underneath the kitchen sink. There is no hypothetical situation that would warrant that. I mean sometimes you're cleaning your place real fast and you just kinda throw shit wherever it will go. As long as it's out of sight it's out of mind.

But underneath the kitchen sink? I mean that requires a certain amount of effort that seems to negate the entire aforementioned hypothesis. I trace the shirts back to my first roommate. Remember kids: say no to heroin. There are drugs, and then there are drugs.

My new place is a definite upgrade. We now have air conditioning! I get a boner every time I walk into my apartment now, it's so exciting. I know what you're saying, "Haha, I get it. You're really excited about finally having air conditioning. Oh Doug, that's just a silly joke." No, I actually become sexually aroused when I walk into my apartment. There's no joke here. I'm serious.

The laundry machine is just down the stairs, too. I don't have to walk down three flights of stairs and turn a dark scary corner anymore. Of course I don't need to use a washing machine anyways because I can just use my fucking abs. It's a washboard down there. My T-shirts actually get cleaned when I wear them. It's pretty awesome but then again, so am I.

Anyone want to help me out with rent? Seriously. Me bad need money.

On a more serious note
It seems everyone around me has been getting cancer.  It's become quite the trend.  I wish I knew why this was so popular.  Getting cancer might be the worst fad in the world, second maybe only to trucker hats and Uggz.  Always be thankful for what you have and please, don't ever take life for granted.  Live life to its fullest because your time can come at any time.  

I also recommend having a colonscopy done every couple of years.  That's where a doctor sticks a camera up your rear end and looks around.  You never know what they may find up there: tumors, polyps, long lost Beatles demo tapes, etc.  It may be uncomfortable but it could also save your life, as was the case with my mom.   Luckily, they caught hers early enough.  Others aren't so lucky.  It's tough to see the people you love in that condition.

Also, make sure you have a doctor do it and not some random dude you find on the street with a camcorder because, well nevermind. ;)
  • Listening to: Avon by QOTSA
  • Watching: War of the Worlds for the billionth time on HBO




Add a Comment:
SparkZBolt Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
oh noes, he get no comment. ewe
Oskarmandude Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2009
Can I use your avatar?
delSHARK Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2008  Professional Digital Artist
I highly doubt you'll ever get this message, but-


:) Maybe you'll return... someday.
shikamaruschic Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2007
The whole moving deal older bro went through somethign just as bad a few months ago...roommates can screw you over pretty bad some times...
rakastajatar Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2007  Professional Photographer
late birthday wishes
runboy82 Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2007
Holla! IM me sometime.
rakastajatar Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2007  Professional Photographer
will do
Add a Comment: